My Story of Depression (and How I Cured It!)

by Rob Dee

What depression feels like

There I was – I had everything in the world that I ever wanted. A loving partner, a happy home life, doing the things that I love with my partner. I couldn’t wait to get home from work every day. She was my best friend.

But one day, I was overcome by sadness and sorrow. All I wanted to do was be alone. I didn’t dislike my partner or my friends or my family…but I felt like I was stuck inside my own head…my only desire was to be alone, to hide from everyone and everything. I had felt like this from time to time for as long as I can remember. A lot of times, this feeling would coincide with negative things that were happening around me…a break-up, stress at work, bad times at school, band issues, family issues, etc. This sort of feeling might be expected when life throws things at you. But this was different. There wasn’t anything negative going on in my life at the time. I didn’t have any reason to feel this way. Everything was great. But there was nothing to prevent me from feeling the sadness, the sorrow, the desire to be by myself. She was concerned. I assured her that I was stuck in my head and that there was nothing that she did to make me feel like this.

There was nothing to make me come out of it…after an argument, the important things like our relationship and quality of life became more important than depression. I love this woman more than anything. She insisted that I see a doctor and try to get the depression I was experiencing under control. I tried several times to make an appointment, but the various doctors would reject my health insurance provider or the doctors would say that my insurance wouldn’t cover my visits. As you can imagine, I was entirely frustrated.

Fast forward a few months…we had just moved to a new house. I had a few days off work to get the new house in order and finish up the loose ends of the old house. The feeling returned…except this time, my partner wasn’t so understanding. Things were grating on me. I didn’t want to talk to my partner about these things because she was going through a tough time with her job, and the move herself. I didn’t want to burden her down any further. I was also resentful towards her son – not that he was doing anything wrong. I should have been angry with her and the way she handled the situations…but this was difficult because of the way I feel about her. I love her more than anything. The feeling of despair was still there…but worse due to our failing relationship.

She told me it was over.

I tried to kill myself and almost succeeded. Counseling and medication have helped some, but there’s nothing they can do to mend my broken heart.

I’m still down. I miss my partner more than anything.

What to do if you feel depressed

Here are more symptoms to look for:

“Depressed individuals often blame themselves for negative events, depressed individuals have negative beliefs about themselves and an assessment of the person’s current mood and thought content, in particular the presence of themes of hopelessness or pessimism, self harm or suicide, and an absence of positive thoughts or plans.

major depressive episode is characterized by the presence of a severely depressed mood that persists for at least two weeks. Episodes may be isolated or recurrent and are categorized as mild (few symptoms in excess of minimum criteria), moderate, or severe (marked impact on social or occupational functioning). An episode with psychotic features – commonly referred to as psychotic depression – is automatically rated as severe.”

Low mood, down in the dumps, despair, sorrow, insomnia, stuck in your head.

If you feel like this, please try to seek help and consult with a health care professional.

If you feel like you can’t go on, please call the National Suicide Hotline. 1-800-784-2433 I’m sure there are a lot of folks who know you that care. Think of the people you’ll impact if you kill yourself. As much as I want to die sometimes, one thing that has kept me alive is knowing how much this would devastate my mom and my brother.

The success rate for counseling and prescribed anti-depressants is high. Seek help if you really want to beat this silent killer.

Depression is a very real health issue. It doesn’t mean you’re crazy or mentally retarded. If you suffer from it, please seek help.